+ Moky +

     On March 20, 2014, Moky died from complications to chronic kidney disease (CKD). He was diagnosed with it in May 2012.

     At the beginning of this year (2014), I noticed that Moky was losing weight despite eating his canned food twice a day (and the 24/7-available dry food). He was drinking water in his normally frenzied way. He always loved drinking water, and since the CKD diagnosis, he seemed to be even more addicted to the liquid. I surmise that the kidney problems instigated that love for water consumption.

     From the summer of 2012 until about the end of February 2014, I was adding Tripsy to Moky’s canned food because it was touted to be good for cats suffering from CKD, as well as other kidney problems. Until February of this year, the Tripsy was working quite well to stave off complications related to CKD. I don’t know if the manufacturer changed the composition of the supplement or if Moky’s CKD was advancing, but Moky had nearly stopped eating his canned food around the end of February.

     I was also giving the supplement (good as a preventive measure) to Gypsy and Stormy, and they, too, stopped eating the food with the Tripsy in it. When I opened a new can of food and refrained from adding Tripsy to it and served that to the cats, all three cats ate the food. Obviously, the Tripsy altered the taste of the food, and the cats put their paws down and weren’t having any of that!

     At that point, I’m deluding myself into believing that the Tripsy is working because I keep putting the drops into the food only to see my cats walk away from it. The first clue that should’ve shaken me to my bones was when Gypsy walked away from the Tripsy’d food. She LOVES food, so for her to not want the food, I should’ve known that Tripsy was the culprit. Never mind that I was hell-bent on giving Moky the supplement because I thought it was helping him.

     Reluctantly, I concluded that Tripsy was not helping Moky, so I stopped putting it into his food (as well as in Gypsy’s and Stormy’s food). Moky deteriorated throughout the month of March. From the last week in February to March 19th, I took Moky to the vet for sub-cutaneous (sub-q) fluid-therapy treatments. Earlier in February, I took Moky to the vet because he was, once again, losing weight rapidly, and I knew that CKD was causing the weight loss. The veterinarian checked him out, but she didn’t take any blood from him. Moky was given a sub-q treatment that day, and the vet told me to bring him in for a few days in a row for more treatments. I took him in for a few consecutive days for fluid-therapy treatments, which seemed to work a bit as Moky was eating more of his food. That lasted a week or two; then, I had to take him in again for more treatments. By that time, it was mid-March. I didn’t take him in during Spring Break (March 10-16), but I did take him in March 18th and 19th.

     By the time Spring Break arrived, I had resorted to putting the cats’ water fountain on the floor because Moky was having trouble jumping up onto the counter. During Spring Break, I started putting a water dish on my computer desk because Moky liked lying on the Kit-n-Box bed that’s attached to my desk. Because he was having mobility problems, I thought that having the water dish on my desk would be more helpful to him. I was right about that. When he became thirsty, he would stand up and walk to my desk to drink his water. On the weekends (from February’s end to March 16th), I couldn’t take him in to the vet for sub-q treatments, so I started adding SmartWater to his water bowl. He lapped that up eagerly. I was careful not to add too much of that water to the regular water because I didn’t know if drinking only that type of water would be detrimental to his well-being. SmartWater contains electrolytes, and a little research on CKD helped me make the choice of adding it to Moky’s water dish. I also bought and added generic Pedialyte to his bowl. The vet approved of that, so I knew I was heading in the right direction, and that that would tide us over until I could take him back to the vet.

     On the night of Wednesday, March 19th, Moky was lying on the Kit-n-Box bed, and I had gotten up and gone into the kitchen to rinse out my drinking glass. Moky decided to get up and go to the desk to drink some of his water, but he didn’t quite make it. I heard a soft thud (I really can’t describe the sound) and a weak meow from Moky. When I looked toward the desk and his bed and didn’t see him on either spot, I asked, “Moky, where are you?” When I walked around the corner, I saw him lying on the floor below the Kit-n-Box bed. He couldn’t move; he was lying on his left side with all four legs stretched out. I rushed to him and picked him up. [In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have picked him up until checking him out first, but the mommy instinct kicked in, and I wanted to rescue my baby.] I hugged him and told him everything would be okay. In my mind, I knew that that fall was the beginning of the end.

     I put him back on his bed and cried because I knew that Moky couldn’t go on anymore like this – in this state. He was very weak; his back legs were not working as well as he wanted them to work. He was not drinking his water even though he would try to get up to drink it. I brought the dish to him several times, but he wouldn’t drink the water. He had stopped eating, too. Since I had already planned to take him to the vet for a sub-q treatment the next day (Thursday, March 20), I knew that I would be taking him in much earlier in the day than I normally did (around 11 AM). The problem was how could I watch him through the night and still get a little bit of sleep. I still had to go to work Thursday, so I knew I had to get, at least, a little sleep. I also knew I couldn’t sleep in my desk chair and be able to keep an eye on Moky. I decided that the best recourse was to put Moky in his cat carrier and have him sleep in that in my bedroom (next to my bed) while I tried my best to get some shut-eye.

     That was a difficult experience. Moky was in his carrier and crying for me, and I was trying to sleep. I awakened, periodically, that night to check on him, to make sure he was okay in his carrier. I closed the door to my bedroom so that Gypsy and Stormy did not come in to bother us. I woke up early Thursday morning (only a few hours after going to sleep) and got dressed. I carried Moky (in his carrier) downstairs to curious feline onlookers (Gypsy and Stormy). I kept Moky in his carrier for obvious reasons (mostly so that he wouldn’t try to wander off or hurt himself).

     I took him to the vet; Moky cried on the way over there. He never liked going to the vet, so I was somewhat used to his crying. Nevertheless, I still talked to him, comforting him on the 10-minute drive over there. The veterinarian examined Moky and realized, like I did, that he had reached that final stage of CKD. I didn’t want to suggest that Moky should be put to sleep; I, essentially, made the vet suggest it, but I still had to make that decision on my own because Moky was my cat. There was nothing more that could be done to make his life better because he was in that end-stage. I, finally, decided that Moky would be better off in Heaven than he would be here on Earth.

     I opted for cremation because the other choices were out of the question for me (burying him in my back yard (I couldn’t do that because I live in an apartment) or having him buried with other dead animals (that last one seems unconscionable to me)). His box will sit beside my mother’s box (on the other side is Bella’s box).

     I haven’t yet picked up his box because I haven’t had time. I have to take Gypsy and Stormy in for their annual shots, so I will pick up Moky’s box when I take either of the girls in. I’m so bad at getting up in the early morning hours that I haven’t been able to take the girls in on any Saturday morning (no appointments necessary between 8:00 and 11:30 AM every Saturday). I need to make appointments to take my cats to the vet because I know that those times will be sometime in the afternoon on any given weekday.

     I kept a close eye on Gypsy and Stormy for any signs of grieving from them. I’ve been upbeat for them so that they don’t think that they’re next. I think that’s why I’m waiting so long to take them to the vet. I don’t want them to think that they are not returning home after their visit.

     I think Stormy felt the loss more than Gypsy if I go by outward appearances and behavior. Gypsy did what she’s always done: eat and sleep. Stormy, on the other hand, kept by my side instead of hiding away upstairs during the day. Even now, she is here in the living room, sleeping nearby. The only way I could say Gypsy feels the loss is that she has been obsessed with eating, lately. She’s always loved food: my food, her food, anybody’s food; however, recently (since Moky died), she has been, at times, annoying, with her cries for food. The cats have access to dry food 24/7-365. When it’s time to eat the canned food (Fancy Feast, the seafood classic flavors), I set a timer every morning and every night to allow the refrigerated portions to warm a bit. Gypsy can’t seem to wait for the timer to beep. She will sit or lie on my lap until that timer’s five beeps sound. I use the timer for various tasks, and whenever it goes off, Gypsy looks in the direction of the kitchen and then at me and mews (and mews and mews . . . ). I tell her that the timer is for me, not for her. She still cries for food. However, I do have to admit that when the task-timer sounds, her cries aren’t as pleading as when she knows she’s waiting to be fed.

     We (Gypsy, Stormy, and I) are grieving in our own ways, I guess. I’m making sure that Gypsy and Stormy know that I love them very much and that I will make sure they are cared for. Having my girls nearby while I’m at home comforts me, too. I know they love me, and I know they know I love them. We can take comfort in knowing that Moky and Bella (and my mom) are here with us in spirit.