On March 20,
2014, Moky died from complications to chronic kidney disease (CKD). He was
diagnosed with it in May 2012.
At the beginning
of this year (2014), I noticed that Moky was losing weight despite eating his
canned food twice a day (and the 24/7-available dry food). He was drinking
water in his normally frenzied way. He always loved drinking water, and since
the CKD diagnosis, he seemed to be even more addicted to the liquid. I surmise
that the kidney problems instigated that love for water consumption.
From the summer
of 2012 until about the end of February 2014, I was adding Tripsy to Moky’s
canned food because it was touted to be good for cats suffering from CKD, as
well as other kidney problems. Until February of this year, the Tripsy was
working quite well to stave off complications related to CKD. I don’t know if
the manufacturer changed the composition of the supplement or if Moky’s CKD was
advancing, but Moky had nearly stopped eating his canned food around the end of
February.
I was also giving
the supplement (good as a preventive measure) to Gypsy and Stormy, and they,
too, stopped eating the food with the Tripsy in it. When I opened a new can of
food and refrained from adding Tripsy to it and served that to the cats, all
three cats ate the food. Obviously, the Tripsy altered the taste of the food,
and the cats put their paws down and weren’t having any of that!
At that point, I’m
deluding myself into believing that the Tripsy is working because I keep putting
the drops into the food only to see my cats walk away from it. The first clue
that should’ve shaken me to my bones was when Gypsy walked away from the Tripsy’d
food. She LOVES food, so for her to not want the food, I should’ve known that
Tripsy was the culprit. Never mind that I was hell-bent on giving Moky the
supplement because I thought it was helping him.
Reluctantly, I
concluded that Tripsy was not helping Moky, so I stopped putting it into his food
(as well as in Gypsy’s and Stormy’s food). Moky deteriorated throughout the
month of March. From the last week in February to March 19th, I took Moky to
the vet for sub-cutaneous (sub-q) fluid-therapy treatments. Earlier in
February, I took Moky to the vet because he was, once again, losing weight
rapidly, and I knew that CKD was causing the weight loss. The veterinarian
checked him out, but she didn’t take any blood from him. Moky was given a sub-q
treatment that day, and the vet told me to bring him in for a few days in a row
for more treatments. I took him in for a few consecutive days for fluid-therapy
treatments, which seemed to work a bit as Moky was eating more of his food. That
lasted a week or two; then, I had to take him in again for more treatments. By
that time, it was mid-March. I didn’t take him in during Spring Break (March
10-16), but I did take him in March 18th and 19th.
By
the time Spring Break arrived, I had resorted to putting the cats’ water
fountain on the floor because Moky was having trouble jumping up onto the
counter. During Spring Break, I started putting a water dish on my computer
desk because Moky liked lying on the Kit-n-Box bed that’s attached to my desk.
Because he was having mobility problems, I thought that having the water dish
on my desk would be more helpful to him. I was right about that. When he became
thirsty, he would stand up and walk to my desk to drink his water. On the
weekends (from February’s end to March 16th), I couldn’t take him in to the vet
for sub-q treatments, so I started adding SmartWater to his water bowl. He
lapped that up eagerly. I was careful not to add too much of that water to the
regular water because I didn’t know if drinking only that type of water would
be detrimental to his well-being. SmartWater contains electrolytes, and a
little research on CKD helped me make the choice of adding it to Moky’s water
dish. I also bought and added generic Pedialyte to his bowl. The vet approved
of that, so I knew I was heading in the right direction, and that that would
tide us over until I could take him back to the vet.
On the night of Wednesday, March 19th, Moky
was lying on the Kit-n-Box bed, and I had gotten up and gone into the kitchen
to rinse out my drinking glass. Moky decided to get up and go to the desk to
drink some of his water, but he didn’t quite make it. I heard a soft thud (I
really can’t describe the sound) and a weak meow from Moky. When I looked
toward the desk and his bed and didn’t see him on either spot, I asked, “Moky,
where are you?” When I walked around the corner, I saw him lying on the floor
below the Kit-n-Box bed. He couldn’t move; he was lying on his left side with
all four legs stretched out. I rushed to him and picked him up. [In hindsight,
I probably shouldn’t have picked him up until checking him out first, but the
mommy instinct kicked in, and I wanted to rescue my baby.] I hugged him and
told him everything would be okay. In my mind, I knew that that fall was the
beginning of the end.
I put him back on
his bed and cried because I knew that Moky couldn’t go on anymore like this –
in this state. He was very weak; his back legs were not working as well as he
wanted them to work. He was not drinking his water even though he would try to
get up to drink it. I brought the dish to him several times, but he wouldn’t
drink the water. He had stopped eating, too. Since I had already planned to
take him to the vet for a sub-q treatment the next day (Thursday, March 20), I
knew that I would be taking him in much earlier in the day than I normally did
(around 11 AM). The problem was how could I watch him through the night and
still get a little bit of sleep. I still had to go to work Thursday, so I knew
I had to get, at least, a little sleep. I also knew I couldn’t sleep in my desk
chair and be able to keep an eye on Moky. I decided that the best recourse was
to put Moky in his cat carrier and have him sleep in that in my bedroom (next
to my bed) while I tried my best to get some shut-eye.
That was a difficult
experience. Moky was in his carrier and crying for me, and I was trying to
sleep. I awakened, periodically, that night to check on him, to make sure he
was okay in his carrier. I closed the door to my bedroom so that Gypsy and
Stormy did not come in to bother us. I woke up early Thursday morning (only a
few hours after going to sleep) and got dressed. I carried Moky (in his
carrier) downstairs to curious feline onlookers (Gypsy and Stormy). I kept Moky
in his carrier for obvious reasons (mostly so that he wouldn’t try to wander
off or hurt himself).
I took him to the
vet; Moky cried on the way over there. He never liked going to the vet, so I
was somewhat used to his crying. Nevertheless, I still talked to him, comforting
him on the 10-minute drive over there. The veterinarian examined Moky and
realized, like I did, that he had reached that final stage of CKD. I didn’t
want to suggest that Moky should be put to sleep; I, essentially, made the vet
suggest it, but I still had to make that decision on my own because Moky was my
cat. There was nothing more that could be done to make his life better because
he was in that end-stage. I, finally, decided that Moky would be better off in Heaven
than he would be here on Earth.
I opted for
cremation because the other choices were out of the question for me (burying
him in my back yard (I couldn’t do that because I live in an apartment) or
having him buried with other dead animals (that last one seems unconscionable
to me)). His box will sit beside my mother’s box (on the other side is Bella’s
box).
I haven’t yet
picked up his box because I haven’t had time. I have to take Gypsy and Stormy
in for their annual shots, so I will pick up Moky’s box when I take either of
the girls in. I’m so bad at getting up in the early morning hours that I haven’t
been able to take the girls in on any Saturday morning (no appointments
necessary between 8:00 and 11:30 AM every Saturday). I need to make
appointments to take my cats to the vet because I know that those times will be
sometime in the afternoon on any given weekday.
I kept a close
eye on Gypsy and Stormy for any signs of grieving from them. I’ve been upbeat
for them so that they don’t think that they’re next. I think that’s why I’m
waiting so long to take them to the vet. I don’t want them to think that they
are not returning home after their visit.
I think Stormy
felt the loss more than Gypsy if I go by outward appearances and behavior.
Gypsy did what she’s always done: eat and sleep. Stormy, on the other hand,
kept by my side instead of hiding away upstairs during the day. Even now, she
is here in the living room, sleeping nearby. The only way I could say Gypsy
feels the loss is that she has been obsessed with eating, lately. She’s always
loved food: my food, her food, anybody’s food; however, recently (since Moky
died), she has been, at times, annoying, with her cries for food. The cats have
access to dry food 24/7-365. When it’s time to eat the canned food (Fancy
Feast, the seafood classic flavors), I set a timer every morning and every
night to allow the refrigerated portions to warm a bit. Gypsy can’t seem to
wait for the timer to beep. She will sit or lie on my lap until that timer’s
five beeps sound. I use the timer for various tasks, and whenever it goes off,
Gypsy looks in the direction of the kitchen and then at me and mews (and mews
and mews . . . ). I tell her that the timer is for me, not for her. She still
cries for food. However, I do have to admit that when the task-timer sounds,
her cries aren’t as pleading as when she knows she’s waiting to be fed.
We
(Gypsy, Stormy, and I) are grieving in our own ways, I guess. I’m making sure
that Gypsy and Stormy know that I love them very much and that I will make sure
they are cared for. Having my girls nearby while I’m at home comforts me, too.
I know they love me, and I know they know I love them. We can take comfort in
knowing that Moky and Bella (and my mom) are here with us in spirit.
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